Becoming yourself again

An abusive partner strips away your identity.


“In the beginning, you compromise a lot – you change who you are – to be somebody that he wants you to be.  So, in the end you don’t have – you’re not yourself.”

[Gloria – age 41 with a 1 year old boy]

“You feel like you are wrong – for me I was thinking always that I was all wrong; I’m doing the wrong thing, when he says so.”

[Julien Rosa – age 24 with 3 and 7 year old boys]


In escaping the violence, women talk about rebuilding their sense of self.


“I’ve gone through quite a lot of transitions – it’s weird – maybe it’s just because you can be yourself.  I always wanted to dye my hair – so – why not? – I can now; wear what you want, eat what you want.”

[Violet – age 35 with a 6 year old boy]

“[I had] a couple of pieces of clothing I didn’t wear because my mind is still trying to figure out – what do I wear? – after being so long in isolation…  you tend to forget what your style was.  So you make mistakes and buy things and then think – no, this ain’t me – so you put it aside.”

[Cathy – age 46 – no children]


And in a safe place, they feel they are becoming themselves again.


“I’m still who I am – I’m just able to be who I am.  Because you kind of forget who that person is when you’re in a relationship like that.  So – I don’t feel I’ve changed; I think I’m just becoming who I am again.”

[Helen – age 52 with 3 adult children]

“I can be myself – I am so happy!  So much more happier than I was at home – the true me has actually come out – instead of hiding the person that I was – I’m the person I want to be.” 

[Aliya – age 24 – no children]